After my pseudo-soul mate left in January, I did 1) things to help her out and 2) refrained from doing harmful things. As she was leaving, I gave her some money. I paid for her cell phone for two months. I let her store her things at my house for four months. I tried to help her with her problems.

I did this despite the fact that I could expect very little in return. I asked myself why I did so the other day, and the answer was obvious: I cared about her. I wanted her life to be good. This was edifying to me in that I realized that she, and some other persons with whom I’ve had relationships did not care.

Caring, of course, is a matter of degree. I do think my pseudo-soul mate cared about me somewhat; but she did not care enough to refrain from destroying the relationship and leaving; she did not show very much concern about my well-being after she left. My friend explained it using the trendy locution, “She’s not that into you,” and the meaning is close but not identical. You can feel that you are not “into” a person and therefore do not want a sexual relationship with him/her but nevertheless care about him/her tremendously. It was painful to lose my pseudo-soul mate in the way I did not only because the “into-ness” was lacking but also because she was not willing to take care of me, to protect my happiness and well-being in her method of departure.

Sometimes people, in essence, just don’t care. They say they love you, they say they are going to stay, but they don’t really love you and care about you. This is a painful truth.