Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Today is better, though not without sadness. My friend helped heal me, and it brought about a very great transformation, which let me be able to do what I must do. I defied the gods recently, and they have prescribed a penance for me and given me a mission: to serve the person I love more than any other without expecting anything in return.

My intention is to show her the unconditional love that she, I believe, has rarely received in her life.

The one I love probably will never love me as I love her, but I at least can serve her. A one-way street can still sometimes get you where you need to go, and sometimes asymmetrical  love is the best that the world can offer. I know that I shall one day be with my true soul mate, but that day is far. In the meantime, the world has given me work to do, and I shall perform it with my whole heart for the good of the one I love, expecting nothing but basic gratitude in return. (Gratitude is an expectation, I suppose, a hope of mine, but not a condition of this service.)

Soul crushed. Five pounds lost. Loss, devastation, disillusionment. For the first time in my life walking around feeling as though I would pass out. Understanding that the person I love is incapable of loving me back. Seeing her incapable of saving herself, even with my help.

Anger, anger at self for feeling anger, for not being able to be all light, all love.

No means to quell the pain but through time.

Knowing that I will always love her, despite her willful contribution to soul crushed, five pounds lost, etc.

Goodbye, great spirit. If only you could truly understand the love I have for you.

The heart is not a very good accountant.

Beauty and harmony are back again. Importance has returned!

I vow to cherish and protect this meaning so long as it will accept me in its service. It is the most important thing in my life.

I need to know if you have brawn. Brawn? Muscles in place, strapping man-muscles or woman-muscles? Do you have true brawn? Do you have a brawny car? I need your brawn level communicated to me. Do you have brawn? True guns, mag pecs? Is there brawn on you, around you? Do you have brawn?

You heard me right. They are saying all kinds of things that are not the kinds of things you want them to say. Does that upset your worldview? They and they? You heard me right. Ignorance! Not on your part, but theirs.